Thursday, March 22, 2007

Tonya Harding vs. The Jilted Astronaut in Diapers

This grudgematch features two women determined to remove their rivals: Tonya Harding vs. Lisa Nowak. Two women who employed nefarious means in attempts to eliminate the competition. Even if it means hiring a goon to take out Nancy Kerrigan's knees, or wearing astronaut diapers for a 900-mile journey to kill a romantic rival.

Be prepared to think outside the box: these two will stop at nothing to get what they want in life, why would they fight fair to win the grudgematch?

Discuss.

9 Comments:

Blogger Tommy said...

What it really boils down to is depth of brazen insanity. Harding took care of business the ole Jersey way--effective, but not very imaginative or deranged. I say Lisa Nowak takes it for sitting in her own excrement for no less than 10 hours to take out her arch-nemesis with a steel mallet and a rubber hose. I, like Meatloaf, "would do anything for love; but I won't do that. No, I won't do that."

March 22, 2007 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I think that Nowak would take it for sure. Not only does she have more tools in her bag (the police reports stated that she was found with a BB gun, a four inch folding knife, a steel mallet, and rubber tubing) but she has infinitely more experience in zero-gravity situations. So while Harding has taken up boxing recently and beat Paula Jones in a celebrity boxing match, she's no match for Nowak's particular brand of crazy.

Besides, I saw Harding on TV the other day and apparently she's heavily into drugs (crack, according to perezhilton.com) sooooo, I don't think she'll be winning any grudgematches soon.

March 22, 2007 at 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Brad said...

I'm going to presume we are taking both women at their prime, the moments they are most known for.
Lisa was dedicated. She had a mission and didn't give up. Tonya however hired someone to do the mission for her. She took the lazy way out.
Thus with the conviction that Lisa so proudly displayed, she would have no problem winning. Plus instead of kicking tonya when she's down she can just fling adult diapers at her...and save money! I bet she knows where to go to get the best deals. And by not hiring hitmen she can pinch those hard earned pennies. So Lisa wins physically and financially.

March 22, 2007 at 5:16 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

i was chatting with my husband about this at dinner (thanks for the conversation starter, lane). while at first i was convinced that nowak would win because harding had to hire a henchman to do her dirty work whereas nowak did her -- very dirty -- work on her own, todd reminded me of a key point: at least tonya got the job done.

and he's right. so i go with tonya.

March 22, 2007 at 8:59 PM  
Blogger Lane said...

Erin, I'm just happy that I can help you two in the communication department.

I'm not entirely convinced that the fact that Harding had to hire a hitman ought to enter into it. I mean, doesn't that show that she's clever? If she'd been the one to attack Nancy, Nancy would have ID'd her right away. I also give a lot of credence to the fact that Tonya has boxed professionally (with a 3-3 record not counting the celebrity boxing match). Erin's point is also very compelling.

On the other hand, Tommy raises an excellent point. Any woman who would undergo that to kill someone is far crazier. In Jenn's words, "Nowak's particular brand of crazy" might just overcome it all. Stick them both in the ring, or in a dark alley, and Nowak will do more than fight dirty. Her killer instinct, so to speak, may indeed put her over the top.

March 22, 2007 at 9:17 PM  
Blogger Kirk said...

This is such an even match I have a hard time making a call. Although Harding was clever enough to hire a henchman, she got caught about as fast as Nowak did. Plus, Harding is nothing more than white trash with figure skates and blind ambition.
I'm going to give it to Nowak because she did her dirty work herself, and despite having to drive across several states in soiled adult diapers. What's more, Nowak is obviously the more deranged of the two because she is educated enough to work for NASA and had to pass lengthy physical and psychological tests to do that. Despite that, she cracked so bad it makes Humpty Dumpty look like a wuss. She completely lost it. I'm going to give insanity major points when it comes to criminal behavior.

March 22, 2007 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger Bryan said...

I happen to share Tonya's home town, and darn if she isn't in the newspaper here far too often. You'd think Tonya would have lost steam long ago, but she just keeps on going. Only time will tell if Ms. Nowak can maintain that kind of prominence for that long. Um, as if anyone should wish for that kind of prominence...

March 22, 2007 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger Mitch said...

The Jilted Astronaut for the monumental fall she took. A genius astronaut goes from being in space and all the hero status that goes with that to driving across the southern US with a diaper on --- when she had to be stopping for gas anyway!

March 22, 2007 at 11:05 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

As a life long Jersey resident I feel the need to respond to Tommy's comment--Tonya didn't do it the Jersey way. Nancy Kerrigan still competed in the Olympics--mission failure. The astronaut also failed in her mission.

I believe that this fight ends in a draw.

March 23, 2007 at 11:47 PM  

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