Zombies vs. Lunch Ladies
Yes, you read correctly: Zombies vs. Lunch Ladies. This one is pretty straightforward.
Thanks to Todd for the help on this one.
Discuss.
Thanks to Todd for the help on this one.
Discuss.
at
11:36 AM
5 Comments:
Zombies. They eat brains. They never die. Lunch ladies just spoon food. Hair nets, plastic gloves, and ice cream scoops are no match for the living dead.
Lane, I think that you've gone a little too far with this one. I'm not surprised that Todd was the one who suggested it. As humorous as the pairing between zombies and lunch ladies sounds, I think that it desensitizes us to the real danger that zombies pose. In fact, the government is quite concerned that many major U.S. cities are woefully unprepared for a full-scale zombie attack, which you can read about here.
I know this blog is all fun and games, but let's not lose sight of some of the real dangers that we face in today's post-9/11 world.
In some ways this is the unanswerable question. This pits those whom death has rejected against those who never die. Yes, I challenge anyone and everyone reading this post to return to the schools of their youth this very day. Even though years, nay decades, have passed: you will see the very same hair-net-and-surgical-hose-encased lunch lady from your childhood dishing out the very same tuna con carne to a new generation -- unless it’s the Friday after the book fair, in which case Pizza Hut may be served, and the countenance of said lunch lady may appear somewhat more gray in color.
There's just something about years of being surrounded by mystery meat and public school's communicable diseases that will render a lunch lady invincible.
That being said, the threat posed by Zombies cannot be overestimated (see the well-thought out post above). Indeed, even if one were to somehow escape the physical threat posed by the flesh-eaters, a Zombie attack may have long-lasting psychological repercussions, especially if they come after you "With their tanks and their bombs, And their bombs and their guns. . . It's the same old story since nineteen-sixteen, In your head, in your head they are still fighting." Faced with this sort of evidence some may conclude there's really No Need to Argue and hand the victory to the Zombie forces.
Actually, now that I think about it, that last argument may be more appropriate for a potentially-forthcoming grudgematch featuring the IRA v. the Taliban. (Wow, that would have made a great St. Paddy's Day tie-in. There's always next year though...)
For me the issue essentially comes down to mental prowess. Of course Zombies -- especially in large herds or pods, if you will -- pose a daunting threat, but, as has been documented in Wikipedia, Zombies lack the ability to think for themselves. Contrast this with the Lunch Lady. Although she appears to slop out portions with little or no thought, the lunch lady is actually, "[T]he person who more than anyone else puts young people on the right path. I'm not talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence counselors. I'm talking about a person we call... The Lunch Lady."
Indeed, we would all do well to remember the words of the poet:
She gives you a purpose
And she give you a goal.
You should be kissin' her feet
And kissin' her mole.
I'm not sure how you can make this a legitimate fight. I thought lunch ladies WERE zombies...
Lunch Ladies. Specifically Lunch Lady Doris.
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