Weekend Grudge: Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer
Norris. Bauer. Terrorists quiver in their boots at the mere mention of their names. Does it get any bigger than this??
Now, some of you may say this is unfair. After all, one is a real person, and one is a fictional character. But let's be honest - we all know that Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris whether he's Walker Texas Ranger or Colonel James Braddock. And besides, who can discount the fact that 37% of Americans firmly believe that Jack Bauer is real.
Discuss.
Now, some of you may say this is unfair. After all, one is a real person, and one is a fictional character. But let's be honest - we all know that Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris whether he's Walker Texas Ranger or Colonel James Braddock. And besides, who can discount the fact that 37% of Americans firmly believe that Jack Bauer is real.
Discuss.
at
2:21 PM
11 Comments:
Until Jack Bauer gets his own "top 100 facts" page, I think Chuck takes this one. Too bad, because Jack is pretty good. But if you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Oh and by the way. The blog design was all mine. But it's okay. I'll let Chuck Norris take care of you.
By the way, Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times. - Top 100 Chuck Norris facts.
Jack Bauer probably would've just tried to get information out of him. "This is going to hurt a lot unless you tell me where my presents are RIGHT NOW!"
Just imagine what would happen if they teamed up.
But against each other...it's gotta be Chuck.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. 'Nough said.
Jack all the way, he once swallowed an entire nuclear bomb just to save L.A. from terrorist attack...all Chuck did was the give the world the roundhouse kick...little good that has done anyone.
You know, I've always found Chuck Norris to be a little on the dorky side, and we all know that in a showdown, dorks have a definite disadvantage. Jack is pure stud, so the match goes to him. Besides that, Jack will stop at NOTHING to prevent a nuclear attack, and sometimes that even means killing the good guys.
The only reason Chuck Norris is even conscious is because Jack doesn't want to carry him.
As tough as he is, Chuck just wastes too much time trying to come up with "non-violent" solution to problems. I mean anyone could come up with a "peaceful" solution if they had more than 24 hours to save the world.
I once received an email forward with the top rated Jack Bauer facts of all time (Yes, a cheap imitation of Chuck Norris facts). Most of them weren't all that funny, but all of them were poorly written. I think this one takes the cake:
Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "'WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!'"
I sit next to Todd in class and he spends A LOT of time reading about Chuck Norris. In fact, he once wrote a report for graduate school on Chuck Norris and he still picked Jack Bauer.
If that's not enough, I would just like to add that Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you and your closest 54 friends and loved ones with the pillow.
here you go, mark -
http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty
discuss...
OK, the site just posted above is great. Here's something more for the discussion:
"When faced with multiple nuclear threats to the country The President Of The United States said, and I quote, "Get me Jack Bauer." He didn't say, "Get me the guy who sells the Total Gym.""
And just in case there's ever a temptation to have Superman v. Jack Bauer:
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Well ck. I guess Jack wins. Thank goodness too.
Can't believe Gredenko cut his whole arm off just to get the tracker off. Where was he going to go with blood shooting out his shoulder???
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